tangents vs stream of conciousness

I know that I talk. A lot. I can be shy, I can be reserved. I have been (Have you seen me act like this? you should take a picture and remind me)
Now, this is in part sparked by a conversation I had with the one we call White Jawn aka Brian the other night at the awesome party my friend had for the rapture. Anyway, he said that I'm the person who always wants to be friends with everyone, I want to know everything about everyone, and I want to help everyone (And yes, its true I once said "All this place needs is a can of paint and some sunshine when talking about Chester. for my non chesco/montco/delco readers who don't know what Chester is, take what you think about the worst neighborhood in Philadelphia and multiply by 10 or so) Now that we've laid down those tracks, and you know that I'm a naive...crazy person? I don't know. But anyway, then later in the week, Patrick (my lovely husband) told me that I wear my heart on my sleeve with friendships. And I totally see that. I don't know what in my subconcious wills me to do so, but I do.
Hooray for faults!
But back to the engaging. You know how theres a going trend in movies these days where theres a cute, quirky girl that immediately seems fascinating (usually played by the likes of Zooey Deschanel. damn those doe eyes.) or at least appears to be, then you get to the thick of it you find out this girl just has no god damn filter.
Yes. That is me.
Now I've REALLY been biting my tongue about one subject because I know I'll be the one to get hurt, and I can't get myself all involved in other peoples business. (I just know that the business is trouble. OMG Julie, just stop being such a CASSANDRA!!! its just what I do.)
But anyway, so its totally true that when I start into a friendship, I jump in with both feet. And I think that scares people. I've really been working on this. Dammit, why am I so socially awkward? Its not nurture or nature, its nature vs nurture, and its a deathmatch.
That was my whole intent, other than for medical issues (Look where that got me) that I ever went on my excursion to find my biofamily (oh, and I got them. in spades.)
But its so easy to get immersed into any of their drama. And its so difficult to just give up on people, because i really try to see their good sides, et al. Buttttttttt As everyone says People don't really change, they just manipulate the picture you're looking at. (People don't really say that. at least I don't think they do? If they do then shit, props where its due)

oh, and I procrastinate a lot. I'm going to do this here. Maybe until tomrrow when I'm going to be on dialysis for 3+ hours and have nothing to do but be pensive.
Also, the new prescription 4 days a week? Has made me really an emotional wreck. Dear benzos, please keep my anxiety at a tolerable level, that is what you are made to do. peas, thank you, and mucho amore, jules xo